Uncertainty

So I think my Betta fish is dying...all it does is float around. There's no filter or anything so I've been changing the water every three days or so. I recently put it in a larger tank, probably about 3/4 a gallon compared to the tiny jar he came in. I am nowhere near a pet store so there's no way for me to get medicines to treat him either. My goldfish died two days ago, so I'm wondering if it's somehow connected. Though they were in separate tanks, I used the same water for them when I changed the water. Perhaps it wasn't completely distilled and therefore it was really really bad for them? Idk..Well he just sits on the bottom of the tank now, kinda sitting there, or floats up to get water. He hasn't eaten in two days. I thought this morning maybe it was because he couldn't find the food in the larger tank but now I'm sure it's something more. I have set water aside so that I can change it tomorrow and hopefully he'll be getting better soon. The only thing I'm worried about is that he seems more pale, the ins are all clumped together. It looks like he's trying to breathe, even when he's under water, and he can't seem to stay upright. There's a white patch near his stomach, but it doesn't seem to match up with anything I've found online. Honestly, I'm not too upset, because how attached can you really grow to a fish that will die in a couple of years? I think I'm done with fish though. I've learned my lesson and I know I can't handle the responsibility of taking care of something so delicate. I'm just worried that this will somehow reflect on how well I take care of animals ...or...children in the future. Life is such a delicate thing that is very balanced. If anything, at least Yuji taught me this. The next time I write, he may be floating around in the campus sewers somewhere.

Bad Week

I went home over the weekend to see my family since it was my birthday. That was good, we went out to Friendly's. On saturday I picked up a cake for my dad from the bakery and we all went out to an extended family dinner. Maryann slept over and then Sunday was my dad's birthday. My Uncle Brian and Aunt MaryEllen brought Kate and I back to campus. Unfortunately when I had all of my stuff unpacked from Uncle Brian's car, I noticed my keys were missing. Luckily Brittany had just arrived as well so she kept the door open for me when I came up. I unpacked all my bags and my keys were still nowhere to be found. Then I remembered that I had put down my purse and a couple bags to pick up the fish, so I probably left them on the car seat. Sure enough, I called my mom and that's where they were. So my mom sent my keys up through the library system so they should be here this afternoon. I don't know how people lose their keys. It sucks. My goldfish died too, probably because I didn't clean the little plastic things I used to distill the water. They probably had soap in them or something so the goldfish died from contaminated water. I dunno.
So of all the things that could stress me out in college, it was an English paper. That in itself wouldn't be so bad except that when I stress, I eat. A lot. When I eat too much, my stomach gets too full later on so I end up throwing up. So this morning around 8 or so I wake up and sit there feeling like I'm going to puke. Sometimes I don't always puke even though I feel like I do so I was hoping that would be the case this time. However, I knew it wouldn't because the feeling was so strong that I was afraid if I moved I would throw up. So I sat there just hoping it wouldn't happen but of course, it did. I sat there with my hand to my mouth when I threw up. I was kind of hoping that that would be it, but more came so I had to put my mouth into the closest blanket and just throw up into that. Thank goodness Brittany didn't wake up until the end so she didn't see anything (that I know of) and asked if I was okay. I told her that I ate too much and I'd be fine, but I quickly got down off my bed (possibly record time) and quickly walked to the bathroom as if I had to puke again. I went to the sink when I got in there and just washed out my mouth, or attempted to. I came back to the dorm and grabbed my toothbrush and toothpaste and a wash cloth and brushed my teeth and wiped down my face. My mouth still tastes gross and it's 2 1/2 hours later. I think once Brittany gets back from class around 11 I might take a shower, since my keys are MIA right now. That way I can wash down the blanket without having it be obvious or mixed in with my other clothes. Well anyway, time to get back to my essay and finish it before I have to leave for Chinese class. Here's to hoping my week can't get any worse.

Wishes

So today's my birthday! The big 18. Haha. Yesterday was pretty good. I had my class with Justin, lol. Oh, but let's not get ahead of myself. There is also Wednesday to talk about. So Wednesday there was a movie showing for the eco-friendly people by some club I guess. Into the Wild. So Brittany told me that Peter and Corey were going to see it and wanted to know if I would come. I told her I'd go and then asked if I could invite Justin. Of course she said yes because she wants to meet him. So I invited him and he agreed to come, though I'm not sure how reluctantly lol. So I took a shower at 4 after my Psych class and was getting ready to see Justin and meet up with him after his bio lecture when...as I have the hairdryer in my hand pointed at my head, the power goes out. Within seconds, all the girls on the floor are out in the hallway freaking out, and everyone's calling each other. Turns out the power went out all over campus. So of course I'm thinking "Oh darn, I can't dry my hair." So I just finish doing my makeup and hair and leave the dorm. Well when I was almost there, about 20 minutes later at 4:50, Brittany texts me and she tells me that she's at Peter's and Corey's dorm already because of the power going out. So I'm like "Well, okay" So I keep walking there thinking that maybe Justin will have waited for me knowing I was going to meet him there, but I was also afraid to get my hopes up. In any case, I waited there until exactly 5:15. He never showed up so I just gave up and headed over to Peter and Corey's dorm. We just kind of sat there until 5:30 or so when we just decided to head over to the Student Union. The entire way there I must have been so annoying to be around because, obviously, I was disappointed. Both in Justin to be honest, and myself. I can't understand why he just won't give me his cell phone number in case of something like that. But in any case, he hasn't yet and I'm sure he has his reasons. I just hope I can earn his trust soon enough that he'll give it to me. It's so incredibly annoying not being able to reach someone in an instance like that. You never realize how much you appreciate cell phones or even rely on them until something like this happens, lol. Well anyway, we watched the movie which started at 6 so it ended around 8:30. I wasn't feeling too well at this point, just because I didn't feel like pretending to be cheerful in all honesty. I told Brittany that I was just going to head back to the dorm, and when I got there, sure enough at 5:47, Justin had left a comment on my facebook asking when the movie was. I tried to sound as cheerful as I could manage when I told him that it had been at 6 and how I had waited for him, somewhat wanting him to feel guilty. Sure enough he did, and then I felt guilty for almost...feeling as if I manipulated him. Well in any case, I told myself that it was over and done with and I told him that it was just my natural bad luck that the power outage should happen right when we all had something planned. But onto yesterday now. I met up with Justin at Chinese class, and he made no mention of the movie. Obviously it had not been as much of a big deal to him as it was to me, as is natural. Why should he feel any guilt over a simple agreement to see a movie with a group of people he doesn't know? He told me the story of how he had forgotten his muffin and drink in a lounge at the S.U. but had returned half an hour later after realizing that they were gone, to find them untouched in the same place. We talked a little bit about anime and manga until Matt got there and we all talked a little bit. Turns out Matt is in my Psych class so he apologized for having never noticed me. Apparently he thought there was someone who looked remarkably like me in that class, but never realized it was me. Lol. Obviously he had no reason to apologize because it's a class of well over 100 people and I'm pretty quiet and insignificant or unnoticeable in that class. So finally the professor started the movie that he had said he would play so it was dark. I was paying attention to what was going on when I saw Justin moving out of the corner of my eye. I looked over to see him holding his pencil pointed at me or...maybe it was my hood. He immediately took the pencil back and said "Ah darn, you're too alert!" I have no clue what he was trying to do or why, but...I'm choosing to take it as a good sign that he feels comfortable enough with me now that he feels he can pick on me or joke with me or w/e it was he was doing lol. In English class today Jim actually talked to me for the first time. It was strange, but makes me a little more comfortable. I wasn't sure if we were to remain in our separate cliques from high school, but apparently we are allowed to talk lol. He asked me if I knew a few kids from school, and I knew two of the three he listed. He told me that they come down to visit him pretty much every weekend so he never gets any work done. I didn't really know what to say, so I just let him talk, but I'm glad we're on a talking basis now. That's good since we're in the same small group tutorial for English. So now it's officially Friday and I'm 18. Or...I will be at like 9 tonight. But he was the first person to wish me a happy birthday on my actual birthday :) Everyone else had wished me a happy birthday yesterday, obviously not wanting to forget or wanting to get it over with. But he actually waited until after midnight and said happy birthday to me :)

Miracle

Wow. So I just got back from my first exam, sociology. I got so incredibly lucky. First of all, there were only 15 multiple choice questions, and then after that like 3 essay questions and one bonus. Brittany and I are both on kind of a high right now from the absolute awe of being able to do so well on it. It was ridiculously easy, and we only studied seriously from probably 2 to 2:40 last night. It was just so easy...that's all there is to it. So now I'm back at the dorm until about 11:30 when I'll have to leave for my psych lab. That's it I guess. Though I'm hoping I'll be talking to Justin tonight so maybe I'll have another post.

Progress

Oh wow...I talked to him on facebook a little bit today. He told me that he got a 68 on the Bio exam that a lot of people took, which was actually the highest grade I knew of. I told him that he is obviously really smart and I honestly think he could have done so well if he'd actually studied (That's right, he hadn't even studied). He replied with
"thats *blush* idk
*thanks
can't even type when im flustered
lol"

I was like O_o. He ...just admitted to being flustered after I complimented him. I don't know what to think...I know what I hope. I hope he likes me. Oh my god I hope he likes me. Well, I just replied with "XD sorry about that" and he answered with "XD it's good" I just...omg I've never ever wanted someone to like me this much. Like I know I'm a romantic, and I know I always obsess over guys, but he is literally perfect. He doesn't act all cocky when I compliment him...he acts like...honored. And I learned that he likes french toast the most of pancakes, waffles, and french toast. Sunday mornings after church, his dad would cook them scrambled eggs and french toast. I can totally see that in my mind, but the whole...Vermont thing kind of has me picturing a cabin with blankets and white carpets and a fireplace. It seems like a very homey place..I can easily picture a happy family scene being there. I almost envy him in that way. But anyway, I have a sociology exam ...later today that I haven't really...studied for. So I guess I'll go and ...attempt to make one last...well...attempt. I will probably post my results...though I'm not expecting any miracles.

Perfect

Wow, it's been a while. Oops. This past week has been pretty uneventful, thus the lack of updates. I took a quiz on Tuesday and got it back on Thursday. I got at 1 out of 7 XD. So my professor gave us all the chance to take it home and fix it for full credit. We also have a one page paper due tomorrow which shouldn't be too hard, but I still don't want to do it, thus I am procrastinating by doing this. Now, onto the good stuff. Justin. Justin, Justin, Justin. His name alone gives me the chills. So class was pretty ordinary with him letting me sit next to him. We sit together now every class with his roommate, who happens to be the same Matt who I shared my book with on the first day of class. Classes are so much more fun now, and every time I look at my calendar, I'm so upset because I know that's one less day I have with him. I don't know what his feelings are for me, but everyone seems to be convinced that he likes me. I want to believe it so badly, but seriously, I've known him less than two weeks. From what I can tell, he simply has an amazingly kind personality. Honestly, I'm afraid to believe that he might like me. I don't want to get my hopes up only to have them shot down once again. Anyway, so once again on Friday I met him at the U for the late night thing. This time I had walked with Brittany to Peter's dorm so I got there at like 8, but when Justin asked me how long I'd been there, I kind of lied...lol. So we walked around for a bit and were having trouble deciding on whether to go for the fish first or for the airbrushed mousepads. Finally I said that I'd rather not have to walk around all night with a fish so we opted for the mousepads. We were going to wait in line for them, but we still had like half an hour wait so instead we went to the arcade. He signed out Guitar Hero for us to play on the Wii, but there ended up being no sound so we only played one song (On the Hard setting!) and then quit. I really wanted to play DDR but I didn't want to be too pushy about it. Maybe next time, lol. Anyway, finally I tried putting in the $5 I had for tokens to use for the games. Secretly I was grateful he didn't offer to pay for me, but then, why should I have expected him to? Anyway, the machine wouldn't take my bill so finally I just turned it in for five 1's and got 4 tokens for duckpin bowling. I sucked a lot! I got an 81 and he got a 111. After that, there really wasn't much else to do so we went back in line for the mousepads and ended up being like the 10th people or so in line, but then a group of about 5 girls cut in and got, no lie, three mousepads each. So the line was at a standstill for quite a while, but finally it was our turn. We were both given slips of paper to fill out with what we wanted our mousepads to say and what script and colors we wanted them to have. I was going to do my name, but Justin recommended doing something more creative. He got Carpe Diem in the end and I got Hachi. I chose Light Blue and Purple as my colors for my mousepad, though I honestly reconsidered after he started talking to a girl behind us (who really pissed me off for some reason...probably because she was talking to him) and said that Dark Blue and Light Blue would probably look better than Light Blue and Purple when she asked what he recommended. I decided to be brave and get it anyway, and in the end he said it looked better than he had thought it would and that was why he had recommended the other colors. Anyway, after that we got in line for scented gel decorations and waited for his roommate to show up, who had decided that he wanted to come after all. So we all made the gel scent things, I got peach in mine and Justin got Christmas Tree and Matt got Coconut. Haha, I put little starfish in mine going for the underwater look and Justin was like "But they're reallll" And mildly freaked out about it. Anyway, after that we got in line for a keychain that a guy was taking pictures for and putting them in it. So Matt, Justin, and I all took a picture together for the keychain. They both got red while I chose to be girly and get purple, lol. After that they both decided they were hungry enough to go get food, so we went to the cafeteria thing and they got food and I chewed my gum, lol. They finished eating and we decided that we'd all had enough and to go back to their dorm to watch Bleach. However, on the way back, we noticed that the line for fish had only like 5 people so we decided to go for it and we each got in line for a fish. Justin was hilarious and made the rocks in his tank in the shape of yin and yang...but rectangular, and then got playfully angry at the guy who poured the water in the tank because he messed up the rocks. While we were waiting in line, one of his other roommates (Since he lives in a quad) met up with us and we all walked back together to his dorm. Since I didn't know what to do with my fish, Justin took it and put it on his desk, and they set up the computer to project the episodes onto the wall while I stood there and watched. It turns out that Matt actually has a gi which got me telling them about my kimonos and other stuff from my Japanese shrine. Finally they had everything set up and Justin was offering me a chair but I kept saying that the floor was fine. Finally they shut the lights off and kept saying how they both felt bad that they were on their beds while I was on the floor. I gave up then and just sat in Justin's computer chair. It was really funny, because though I tried not to give much thought to it, he could see my every reaction to the show, from the back anyway. So when I curled up when I saw Toshiro, he was like "Well I know who your favorite character is." I couldn't help but laugh because I'm pretty sure I told him that before, but it was still nice to notice that he remembered or noticed that anyway. So we watched a couple of episodes of that, and then we finished that and watched Superbad because they found out that I'd never seen it. So Justin only had the unrated version so we watched that. It was slightly awkward at first because there was an overflow of language and nudity etc. lol and he kept apologizing saying that he'd forgotten how bad it was. I told him that it was alright and I had a very open sense of humor. So we watched the movie with him laying back on his bed and me on his chair and his roommate on his bed. It finally ended and as the credits started rolling, the background image was a blurred mall scene. I recognized the logo of GameStop however, and knowing that was the store Justin works for I pointed that out and his reaction was more than I could have hoped for. He was like "Wow I never noticed that! I've seen this movie three times and never saw that and you've only seen it once! She's amazing!" Or...something along those lines. Anyway, so after that he offered me one of his coats for the walk back, but I insisted that I'd be fine so he gave up and put his trenchcoat on. We walked outside and it was pretty cold, but I figured I could handle it without shivering. So we're about 20 feet away from his dorm when he's like "I feel like such a creeper in this coat." So I told him, jokingly, "No, actually you'd have to be about ten steps behind me following me." And laughed about it, but he actually stopped and let me get a few steps ahead before following behind me, with his head bent down. I have to admit, it did look pretty creepy and I think the people around us were watching him carefully. Then he laughed it off and came back up next to me. I shivered once accidentally, not realizing that I did it until he looked at me. I looked down and stuck my lips together to keep myself from shivering more and he was like "I heard that." We finally got across the street on the way back to my dorm when he was like "Okay my conscious can't handle it, it'll make me feel so much better even if you just have a jacket around your shoulders, so he put it on my shoulders. It was so sweet and when I stopped shivering he was like "See isn't that better?" We unfortunately got back to Buckley way too soon despite taking the long way back. We said goodbye and he walked back on his own. I commented on his facebook when I got back saying how he had been right and that "next time I wont' be so stubborn." I purposefully put in next time to see how he would react, and he acted as if it was nothing. So that was my night with Justin. He had told me that he would try to be at our birthday party the next day...or later that day, since Brittany and I were sharing our birthday party, but he ended up not being able to come. He told me that he had a cold and was going to go to sleep early so I played it off like it was nothing and told him not to worry about it and to get better. Honestly, the entire night I was wishing he was there, but I didn't let that hold me back from having some fun anyway. Not to mention it was slightly less embarrassing when I forgot to order a soda with the pizza and didn't realize it. Sunday I ended up not going to church because I wasn't feeling too well (probably from eating too much) and just slept in. I did absolutely nothing yesterday, or today. I have a makeup quiz and a one page paper due tomorrow...or today now, but I'll worry about that later. I guess I'm going to head off to sleep for a while. I'll have to update soon about my class with Justin tomorrow and Thursday. There won't be a friday night with him this weekend unfortunately for my birthday, but that's alright. I'll survive. Shockingly enough my life doesn't depend on him...yet. Perhaps I am going a little over the edge with my infatuation with him. But idk..he's just so perfect. I'm still terrified to think that he might be real and might be interested in me. I want so badly for him to like me and ask me out, but at the same time I'm afraid to hope for it because I don't want it to all end in disappointment. I guess that's all I can say before it turns into rambling so I'm going to go. Goodnight!

Hajime

Wow, I finally found a guy, lol. His name is Justin, and I met him in my Chinese Culture class on Thursday. I was just doodling in my notebook, either eyes like always or the two Japanese characters that I know. Anyway, I had my ipod on so I wasn't really paying attention to anything, or even noticed that someone had sat down next to me. I'm not sure how long he had been watching my aimless drawing, but eventually he said "I like your drawings." I feel so bad about this next part, haha because I must have given him the most terrified look. I looked up at him shocked, first that he was speaking to me, second that he liked my drawings. I sort of did a double take, looking up at him, looking back down to my drawings, then back at him, and then my drawings again before I just said that they aren't that good and I just like to doodle. He said "Doodling's good" and then we kind of went quiet for a bit before he said "I'm Justin by the way," and I told him that I'm Sarah. Then he went on to ask me if I was taking Japanese and I told him that unfortunately I wasn't. Then he asked me what my favorite anime is and I told him that I'm not really sure, but I guess Naruto would have to be it sine it's the last one I watched a lot. That was pretty much it until we were leaving class when he said "I'll see you Tuesday Sarah." Now, I have no idea why, but I went back to the dorm before English and sat down and looked him up on facebook. I found him and added him as a friend, but he didn't get on and add me until later that night. I'm not sure why, but I just wanted any excuse at all to talk to him, so I asked him about a possible quiz in Chinese, though I admittedly already knew we didn't have one. This is our facebook conversation after that:

Me: Hey, sorry, but do you know if we were going to have a quiz next class in chinese?
Justin: no problem at all. i received an email from professor and we don't have a quiz on tuesday but we will be talking more about journey to the west.
Me: oh okay thank you, and one more thing. are you going to the football game tomorrow? my roommate left me a ticket but I'm not going to go unless i know anyone else who is, haha.
Justin: I can go to the football games yet because i have not bought any tickets. i forgot all me money at home so my parents are sending down my credit card. i'll be doing home work for most of the day tomorrow unfortunately. maybe some other time though.
Me: oh haha don't worry about it at all. i just found out the buses are sold out anyway or something like that. thanks anyway
[After this I was thinking that maybe he really didn't want to hang out with me that much and was just lettig me down easy. So needless to say, I got pathetically happy with his next comment.]
Justin:but if you feel like going to late night at the U tonight or something like that i'm planning on going and wouldn't mind the company.
Me: yeah sure, anywhere or time you want to meet up?
Justin: i was thinking to be there around 8:30 technically nothing starts until 9 but i really want to get in line for stuff a husky. haha i know kind of childish but i've never done anything like that before so why not try it. so would you like to meet outside the movie theater?
oh by the way would you like some pointers on the ramen dilemma?
[My facebook status at the time had said "Sarah has no clue how to make ramen with a microwave."]
Me:Haha i've never done stuffed animals either (assuming that's what it is?) The movie theater is inside the S.U. right? I think I remember where it is, but I just want to make sure. And any pointers on the ramen thing would be great. I usually make it on the stove, but there's no place to boil water in my dorm haha.
Justin:Haha yes the theater is in S.U. and as for the ramen i usually fill a container thats big enough to hold the amount of ramen wanted with about 3/4 water. then i put it in the microwave ( with just water) for about 8 minutes. i stop the timer when it gets to the 6 or so. then i put the ramen in and put it back in the microwave. i periodically turn it so it all cooks. and the it should be done when the timer gets to about three or two. but i usually put the whole package in. i don't put any of the packet in though. i use hot sauces and hot peppers i have in my room. hope this helps
Me:Wow haha thanks a lot, I'll definitely try it soon.
Justin: hope it helps

So that's it until it was time to go to the Student Union. I won't go into needless details about how I had cleaned my dorm with the hope that he might come up and see it for a few minutes. But anyway...so I walked to the Student Union and got there about fifteen minutes later and found him sitting on a couch waiting for me. We met up and just kind of walked around. He got some tea and asked me if I wanted anything. (Which is one of the events of that night which led me to believe I might have been on a date with him, but that could just be me being hopeful.) Anyway, I told him that I was fine and that I'd just had ramen shortly before. So we sat at a table for a bit while he drank his tea and then we walked around a bit after it had cooled down and we got in line to get plants. So we got pots, decorated them (He put the Triforce on his and I just put blue lines on mine) and then picked out our plants, put dirt in, and watered them. After that, we didn't really want to get in line for the "Stuff a bear" thing but decided that it was too long, so he got us tickets and then we just walked around knowing that we were guaranteed an animal. We wandered into the game room and checked out the stuff in there, but didn't find anything that we could do. After this we went back to the large cafeteria area of the Student Union and listened to people do karaoke for a while. I could tell that he wanted to do it, despite me saying that I don't do public singing, so I offered to go see what kind of songs they had. Turns out, my taste in every type of music, means I don't know a lot of any type. This caused some issues as every song he pointed out ended up being an artist I knew and often liked, but didn't know the song. Finally we gave up on that and sat down again and just listened to people sing, or...try. In any case, it was fun. Finally we'd had enough and went back to the line for the stuffed animals and were at the end of the line for a while, slowly moving up. After a few minutes, this drunk couple came up behind us and started talking to us. Justin talked to the guy while I talked to the girl. She asked me various things, a couple of which were kind of...well they were questions I didn't know the answer to. She asked me if Justin was my boyfriend and when I answered that I didn't know, I tried to look at him from the corner of my eye and he didn't react in any way, so maybe he wasn't listening (I hope not) Then she asked where he lives and I told her that I didn't know because I'd only met him the day before. Then somehow they found out that they needed tickets to make a stuffed animal and left. The looks Justin and I gave each other must have been identical, with him saying "I really wonder what was in that water bottle, cuz they were definitely drunk." I was laughing saying that I had been wondering that same exact thing. Finally the line reached the table and we got to cut in front of about 8 people or so because we had tickets and they didn't. I had finally decided on making a Panda, and he made a tiger. ( I named my panda Hajime which means "beginning" because I'm hoping that night was the beginning of a lasting relationship with Justin - whether it's a friendship or something more) Finally, he asked if I wanted to do the name painting thing, but I told him that I was done for the night, after of course some indecision and apologizing. (He has a problem with apologizing too much too, though honestly I dont' think it's as bad as me.) So then we walked back to his dorm to find out the bus schedule to see which bus I have to take to get backto my dorm, and we discovered that we had just missed the bus by a few minutes. He then asked me if I wanted to wait for the bus or if I wanted to walk back. I didn't know what he wanted, so I opted for walking back because by the time the bus came, we could've been at the dorm anyway. He was very nice about it and offered to walk me back. I tried to tell him that he didn't have to but in all honesty I really wanted him to. He insisted on walking me back saying that he didn't trust people. It was really nice of him and we talked some more on the way back. Finally we got to the dorm, and he held my stuff while I dug for my card to get in. I got up to my dorm and of course had to update my facebook status saying that I had had an amazing night, and ten minutes later he had updated his saying that he had stuffed a tiger, walked back in the rain, but had had one hell of a night. Then I commented him, not really expecting any comment back but he did.

Me: Thank you so so so much for taking me with you to the late night thing, lol. I'm definitely going again next week. And the stuffed animals were totally worth the line. Just 'sayin.
Justin:for sure! lol it was a long walk back by myself i ended up singing lol. yeah i am going next week again defiantly
Me:I'm so sorry, I'll have to figure out the buses in the next week so you don't have to do that, lol. Thanks though =)
Justin:lol it was no problem at all. needed the exercise ya know. and it would not be very polite to have you walk back that far by yourself in the rain.

That was it. I went up to sleep and woke up at noon. Now I absolutely cannot wait until Tuesday, but I don't think I'll talk to him until then unless he talks to me first. Ugh, suddenly 2 1/2 days seems like so much, haha.

What makes him everything I could ever want in a guy:

• He doesn't drink alcohol
• He doesn't smoke
• He doesn't do drugs
• He doesn't want premarital sex
• He doesn't swear a lot
• He plays an instrument
• He likes anime
  

I swear, I can't imagine someone more perfect than him, at least from what I know of him. And I only met him two days ago!

On 9/11

I have very few memories of 9/11 to be honest. I was only 11 (6th grade) at the time that it happened so I don't remember much, and you have to understand that I had the mentality of a young child. I remember them holding us in class longer than usual and telling us that we could eat our lunches in class. Some people told me later they watched the news in their rooms but we didn't get to. Later one, we all got called into the school gym and the principal spoke told us that several government buildings had been attacked. The concern on her face was so evident looking back on it, but I don't think any of us really understood the severity of the issue at the time. They sent us home on buses, but told us to stay inside until our parents got home and to watch the news. What did I do when I went home? I went out on my street and rode my bike. Though they hadn't given us any specifics of the attack, I remember looking up through the overhang of trees and seeing an airplane fly overhead. This scared me, though I had never been afraid of airplanes before, and I went inside for the day. Looking back on it now, I'm not even sure if that was physically possible, knowing how they told all airplanes to land. In any case, that's my count on September 11, 2001.

I found this video today and wanted to share it with others. I think it's a perfect description of the attitudes we should have.

Desire

In one of my English classes this week, I believe it was on Tuesday, I was suddenly inspired to write about what I want in a guy. My past experiences have helped me in shaping who I want to be and what I want in someone I might potentially date.

I want a guy who knows what I'm thinking just by the look on my face. I want someone who knows the different ways I twist my rings and what those differences mean. I want a guy who invites me over to play video games d expects nothing more. I want someone who speaks my thoughts for me. I want a guy who is willing to hold me when I cry to comfort me. I want a guy who wil not push my physical boundaries and is willing to wait for me to feel comfortable. I want a guy who knows all my quirks and accepts them as part of who I am. I want a guy who loves me, simply because of who I am with him and who he is with me.

Beginning

I set up this blog for one reason and one reason alone. I want to write about my college experiences in total and complete honesty. I don't care who reads this or what they think. This is purely for myself.
Where to begin?
First off, this isn't exactly the beginning of college for me. Classes actually started about two weeks ago, on August 25th. So far things haven't been so bad. Sociology is pretty boring, but the class itself isn't too long so that makes up for it. My Psychology professor is amazing, though I feel like we really talk about nothing in his class. My Chinese Culture class is absolutely hilarious. I try to bring my voice recorder to every class simply so I can listen to my professor again and again because he's so funny. English is...boring, but then it always tends to be. Not to mention its' an hour and forty five minutes long. Taking AP English my senior year really helped me though, I think. I feel like I'm much more prepared for that class than I could have been. In any case, enough about class.
The college experience so far has been...interesting. My roommate Brittany is absolutely wonderful. She doesn't want to drink or party and wants to focus on school for now. Same thing with me. The university offers so many late night programs here, especially on fridays to keep students occupied, which we all know is to be a distraction from other "late night activities" but that's alright. They don't succeed. Brittany and I stayed up this morning just watching the drunk girls meander across the parking lot, and I witnessed a drug dealing. Haha, that was interesting. Hm...I'm at level 23 in World of Warcraft, if that's college related at all? Or, not that it matters. This is what I want to write about.
Last night I was thinking about Stephenie Meyer's story Twilight a lot and actually dreamt about it kind of. Except it was my own vampire story about a girl named Brittany (yes after my roommate) who lives her life as a human until one night she goes to sleep with a fever and wakes up as a vampire. Or...something along those lines. I know it sounds cheesy now but It was an awesome dream, I swear.
I suppose my final topic of the night/morning will be typical of most teenage girl rants. Boys. I want a boyfriend so desperately right now, and I feel pathetic for it. Normally I'll get up and preach about how we as teenage girls don't need guys to fulfill our emotional needs and all that stuff. But I'm so tired of being alone. I'm so ready to just be in a relationship. I'm so sick of dating a guy ony to get cheated on a week, or a year later. I've dealt with both and even though I've pretty much given up hope of being in a relationship that won't end up with me being cheated on, I'm still just so...desperate for someone to be in my life. Someone to walk to classes with, and stay up late talking to on the phone or online. I just want someone.
Well I suppose that ends my rant for the night. I'll try to update this as often as I can, I've never been good with journals or blogs, but I really want to record my college years and remember them later in life. I will try. Later!